Can Dane Reynolds Kill Vlogs?

by stab March 06, 2020 4 min read

Ed note: the following is the third installment of our new weekly email chain called the Stab Fwd. If you’re into it, subscribe here. 

Video killed the radio star, the internet killed print, social media killed society in general, etc.

Some things destroy other things. This could be dependent on a diety’s plan or the byproduct of the perpetual churning of time, space and matter — maybe a combination of both, depending on where you sit. 

In any case, it’s a fact. Which leads us to the question: Can a blog kill vlogs? 

On the surface, that’s a stupid question. Vlogs already killed blogs, you might say. And maybe that’s true. But maybe you’re not thinking big enough. 

What if it’s Dane Reynolds’ blog?

Dane recently announced that he’ll soon return to blogging. Years ago, his Marine Layer Productions killed the emotional wellbeing of every other person getting paid to ride a surfboard so who’s to say he can’t cull an entire genre of people feigning emotion into GoPro 8s and cutting it up to appalling songs from YouTube’s free library? 

Surfing’s accidental messiah might just do it again. 

We’ll see. Until then, here’s a compilation of Stab’s most-viewed stories of the week (which included this one about Dane’s announcement) mixed with a few other bits to entertain or bewilder you. 

https://player.vimeo.com/video/134356144

Courageous QS Incumbent Descends On Reunion Island For Week Of Shark-Fueled-Terror-Surfing

Fun fact: Tens of thousands of people watched an edit from a surfer who wholeheartedly embraces the official WQS criteria of do as many turns as possible. There’s a lesson to be learned in this. If the QS turned into a shark tour, viewership would sky-rocket. 

Alessa Quizon Breaks Her Engagement With Medina’s Arch Nemesis, Couples Instead With UFC Star

The world has been gifted with quite a few professional surf couples in the last few years. Think: Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard, Jesse Mendes and Tatiana Weston-Webb, Joe Turpel and Martin Potter, etc. However, not all who surf together stay together (please nobody ever say that unironically). You clicked, likely because we worked Gabriel Medina’s name into the title. 

Screen Shot 2020 03 05 at 12.42.48 PM

Now, what’s that noise? 

Oh, that? That’s the sweet sound of outrage. This week, the International Olympic Committee approved the proposal for Teahupo’o to host the surfing side of the 2024 Olympic Games. This evoked many opinions partially because Tahiti is about 10,000 miles away from Paris, where the rest of the games will be held. And partly because it’d be interesting to see how a Danish team member might handle a proper west bowl. Want in on the argument? It’s never too late to yell at a stranger on the internet. 

Which way is Mason Ho going? 

Better question: Which way is he not? Mason recently dropped an edit from a bright blue tangle of ocean in Brazil and you should watch or re-watch or re-re-watch it. This is the (first-ever) third edition of the Forward, which means this is the third (ever-first) edit being featured. So far, it’s been Noah Wegrich, Dylan Graves and now, Mason Ho. Picking up on a theme here? 

You should be. That theme is: Surfing is really fun. My intention in this section is to share edits that achieve the simple yet immeasurably powerful goal of making you feel happy to take part in it. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/6KNsV51fga0

Where can we find a sanctuary from life’s turmoil and drink rum out of juice boxes? 

Puerto Rico. There’s a swell hitting the Caribbean next week. The trade winds will be heavy, so the western-facing spots will be cleaner. But we can always hammer some of those juice boxes and try to find 10-foot ramps on the north coast instead. 

What is a monument to the majesty of human potential?

Stab High. And, no, not just because individuals will be landing superbly technical airs in a large bowl specifically designed for the dispersion and enjoyment of water. For me, the moment of awe came while I was reading acrostic poems about Mick Lowe and Bede Durbidge. 

As you may know, I’m running a contest to award a free Stab High watch code to the best acrostic poem about a 2007 CT surfer. Forward readers Bryce and Ned are frontrunners for their ballads of Mick and Bede, respectively. The fact that a random email newsletter can elicit such a thing made me be proud to be a part of this species.

Here are their entries:

Before Albert

Einstein

Deduced the theory of

Electromagnetism


D
-bah

Unknowingly 

Readied its

Banks

In preparation for 

Durbidge to 

Gouge and tear

Every A-frame 

-Bryce

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Look, just cause someone’s husky don’t mean they can’t rip.

Occy is full-figured, but this scale-tipper is a whole ‘nother trip.

Watch his early footage and you’d think he’s Harry Bryant’s father

Extra-large charger with a bowlcut, and also a frother.

Yeah, that’s right, this man is doughy; it’s Wollongong’s “biggest” star AKA Lowey.

-Ned 

I humbly bow to both Bryce and Ned. That said, you still have time to steal victory from them. Thislink will make it easier. My email is[email protected]

And one last thing: 

Earlier this week, I saw a grown man meticulously clipping his toenails in a beach parking lot while he still had his wetsuit half on. I want the Forward to be a place where we can all come together to laugh at the absurdity of surfing. If you ever have any suspicious behavior to report, be sure to email me. 

If you want the Stab Fwd in your email every Thursday, subscribe here. 

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