Just Before Finals Day, A Never-Before-Seen Death Pillar Arises In The Backdoor End Section

by stab December 20, 2019 2 min read

It’s past midnight in Hawaii and I reaaaally want to get some rest before (what will probably be) finals day at Pipe, but I’ve recently learned about a story that must be shared, and quick! 

Earlier today, we hosted Griffin Colapinto and Seth Moniz on the final episode of The Pick-Up (which will air Friday, not tomorrow, on account of the ongoing Pipe Masters). Between the giggles and snorts, Griff and Seth shared a chilling insight about Pipeline, gleaned from their hours upon hours spent watching the wave from the Billabong House’s deck: following the most recent swell that hit Hawaii, a new, surface-penetrating rock was unearthed on the Backdoor end section. 

Have a look for yourself:

How this possible, I have absolutely no clue. It’s not as if sand was moved and the rock simply revealed itself. If that were the case, we would have seen the coral head before, and as far as the North Shore local Seth Moniz is concerned, the rock has never been seen prior to this week. 

“We even went to check it out, because we thought a tree might have gotten stuck in the reef or something, but I saw it up close and it’s definitely a rock. It had barnacles all over it,” Seth confirmed.

I asked Griffin and Seth, who both have heats to surf tomorrow, if they were intimidated by this new, visually daunting feature. 

“It’s definitely a little sketchy,” Seth admitted. “It’s kinda right where the wave ends, so if you hit the end section or had a really long barrel, you could easily end up on top of it.”

Speaking of long barrels, I have but one plausible theory for this new rock’s origin.


What if Kelly Slater, having made the impossible extendo-barrel in his most recent Pipe heat, unlocked some secret portal in the reef, pushing the death pillar up from the earth’s crust and into the impact zone in an act of vengeance against Slater’s blatant Backdoor mockery?

A literal and figurative middle finger to the King.

Sounds crazy, but who’s got a better explanation?

And more importantly, who’s gonna get shiskabobbed on finals day? 


Seth’s original instinct was correct—the death pillar was actually a log stuck in the reef! Luckily for our competitors, the new swell and/or Jack Freestone (it’s currently unclear which) has dislodged the sunken timber and ushered it safely down the sandbar where spectators are using it as photography perch. 

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